I really needed Katie after my baby's birth. Recovering from HELLP Syndrome, with a preemie, during a pandemic, with no family to help and no personal experience with infants was really hard. To make it worse, I'd spent the whole pregnancy focusing on trying to keep myself and the baby alive, so didn't even have a bassinet or baby clothes ready when I was induced early, or know what other equipment babies need. It was tough. I was so very glad we had Katie.

 

Katie helped with everything. She very easily and nonjudgementally joined our lives and made everything better. From helping to sanitize bottles, to light cleaning I just couldn't do, to helping me pack random stuff, watering plants, and doing other household tasks that were hard with a baby to care for, she quickly brought relief to my crushing to do list with her efficiency.

 

Because we didn't have any baby things and were learning on the go, there was so much stuff we discovered we needed and had to research and buy online. Sometimes, I just hit a wall (decision fatigue is constant with an infant). If I had to research and decide on one more baby thing, I'd just lose it. It wasn't that I wasn't intellectually capable of researching breast pump replacement flanges, I just could.not.anymore. So even though it felt weird at first to ask someone else to do something I normally could do myself, I would remind myself that nothing is normal when you have a baby, and ask Katie. And guess what? She found and ordered the things in, like, 2 minutes, AND went ahead and ordered them on her account to be shipped to my place. All I had to do was just sit there with the baby, and then quickly Venmo her the amount. It was magic. It was such a relief.

 

Speaking of the internet, Katie actually taught me how to order groceries for curbside pickup, and would then pick my orders up (such a game-changer). And, speaking of pandemic practices, Katie was absolutely on-board with wearing a mask at all times at our house, even though she was of course vaccinated. One year into the Covid shutdown, having just given birth during a really scary time, I was already encountering mom-shaming and guilt-tripping from other people for being cautious about my premature baby being exposed to anyone. Which was so not helpful, on top of everything else. But Katie not only readily disclosed her bubble size (small) before we ever met in person, she never questioned my choices around keeping the baby safe. And, being a mom herself, she alerted me straight away when her own kid had a minor cold and let me make the decision on whether I was comfortable with her coming over during that illness in her son, even if she felt fine herself.

 

The sweetest thing she did, of many, was to bring me a mom care package on her first visit. It was filled with postpartum helping treatments, little self-care items, and..chocolate! Which was awesome. Actually there is something else she did that just melted me--on her last visit, Katie brought a special book for our child, with beautiful illustrations, that really spoke to our philosophy for how we want to raise him. It was such a perfect thing, really. We look forward to reading him that book over and over as he grows up.

 

And often, Katie just listened. I was all alone, and very lonely and fairly frightened to be caring for a premature infant, and the pregnancy and birth had brought up a lot of unhealed wounds with my family of origin, so I talked about these. And she just listened. But one time, she reassured me that she thought I was doing a good job, as a mother, and that despite my fears of passing on intergenerational trauma, she didn't think I would, having observed me with my kid, and that the trauma could stop with me, leaving him unscathed. I totally cried. It was really touching to hear, because it was clear Katie meant it and had reached that conclusion after actually observing my interactions with him.

 

And sometimes she would share her own feelings and frustrations about being a parent with me, and that was helpful for me to hear, too, because the thing about Katie is she's very real and for a first-time parent, I needed that. I think the challenges that led her to the doula path give her more of an empathy for what parenting is really like, scary and overwhelming and sometimes frustrating, than a lot of the whitewashed doulas who make everything all Instagram pretty and only talk about the beauty of birth and motherhood. Because sure, it's beautiful, but it's hard and confusing and there is a lot of poop involved. Katie gets that.

 

Plus, she is actively working to be an inclusive doula, is interested in the full spectrum of supporting birthing people, is striving to be LGBTQ and trans-inclusive, and is incorporating herbal medicine and other healing modalities into her client care. And she has a lot of resources for all aspects of fourth-trimester recovery, post-partum mood balances, baby care, and more, which she suggests so very non-judgementally if its appropriate, but she is never didactic. I feel very lucky to have worked with Katie, and am so glad to have had the chance also just to get to know her. I look forward to keeping in touch with her, because when you find a good doula, it's a special relationship. If you are having a baby, I highly recommend reaching out to her and getting the help you need after your baby is born.

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- Sarah Spero, first time mom